Can I ever really prepare myself for what is next to come?
Knowing it’s there.
knowing it is only time that stands between me and what has become my normal.
Can I role-play the pain away? Act out the scene before it happens so the reality becomes numbing?
Living twice what I don’t want to live once.
Maybe it’s nothing crawling through my thoughts. Leaching itself to the part of my brain that screams to watch out, screams to be careful.
But maybe it’s real. My mind can only be wrong so many times, it can only do illogical for so long before it clings to something real.
The special is bound to end, the good to stop. So I’ll act out the scene in my head before it ever occurs.
At least maybe then I’ll know what to say.